slowly falling apart

We got bumped today, but that doesn't really matter. I'm so pleased with what we did accomplish in the last four days. I think we (and I know I) left everything on the river today. We gave it everything we had.

But I'm struggling. Today was my first taste of the end of this piece of my life. At the beginning of the year I determined to be fully present here, loving people and life without being afraid of the fact that I was leaving in a year. And now I know I've succeeded, because it hurts so much.

That's it. That's the real and raw and honest deal. I am once again breaking.

summer viiis days two and three = victory

Yesterday we rowed over, which means that we rowed the length of the course without bumping or getting bumped, and today we bumped for the second time! We had a Worcester team breathing down our necks, but we nailed the boat in front of us from Balliol College faster than the team behind us could catch up with us.

I can't believe we only have one row left. It's going to be great...

If you're reading this and you live in Oxford, get your bum down to the river tomorrow afternoon and cheer us on!

summer viiis day one = victory

We bumped in our boat race today!!!

Basically, boat racing at Oxford is bumps racing, which means that the boats start off a length and a half apart from each other and the goal is to achieve a "bump" by getting any part of your boat to hit the boat in front of you. (Dangerous, I know...) We bumped the Keble College boat in front of us very quickly, only a minute or two into the race, which was awesome!

Our men's team did well too. While they didn't get a bump, they didn't get bumped either, which is an achievement in itself.

Three more days of racing left to go...

another one

Sorry all my blogs lately have been about rowing. My life is just pretty straightforward right now. I row, I make coffee, I write papers. That's pretty much it.
And so please notice the time on this post. Yes, that's right, it's 4:30 am. Why the heck am I awake?? Because I have to be at the boathouse to row at 5:10 am. That's all. I admit that I'm a morning person. But 4:30 hardly counts as morning. When I walk down to the boathouse, even the ducks aren't awake yet; they're still sleeping in the grass.
Only one more week of this, though. Summer VIIIs, the big race, is this week, and it's going to be a blast. If I get some pictures of it, I'll post them soon! (Like you really want to see another rowing post.)

as yourself

I still love that rowing thing, but it kicked my butt this morning.

On a happier note, I was the one dominating at my tutorial yesterday.

Life lesson: you try as hard as you can, and at the end of the day, you give yourself grace.

megan is my name, rowing is my game.

Seriously, how does it get better? Early morning, boat sliding through the fog like Pirates of the Caribbean, the camaraderie of your team... yes.

a snapshot of life in oxfordland

Random photo goodness...

I can't even play a violin, let alone play a violin on a tightrope. Walking backwards.


Enjoy the beautiful days when they come.


Extravagant beauty.


Ceilidh dancing on Burn's night.


Do I really live here?


Cornmarket Street. Saturday afternoon.


The college boathouses down by the Isis where we row.


The Jericho mural.


Jericho is a hip neighborhood in Oxford.


High Street as seen from St. Mary's tower.


Perfect Sunday afternoon.


A Brit, a Scot, and an American walked into a bar...


My dear otherworldly friend Holly.


Julia and Mel. Make up your own caption.


Gospel choir!


And now for some recent happiness from the bop Saturday night. Theme: circus and freaks.


Lottie and Holly. Me loves them.
Oh, and David. I guess I love him too.


Julia and I.


Dancin' it up.


Mis amigas.


YES.


Finally, and most importantly, I now own the most freaking awesome ensemble of six shades of sequin. What more does a girl need in her life?


Life is good. Life is hard. Life is b e a u t i f u l.

"When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future." Ecclesiastes 7:14

"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do." Ecclesiastes 9:7

bow side

I'm hesitating as to whether or not to write this because I'm afraid one of my rowing buddies might see this. Melody probably will. And I can just imagine her reaction: head tilts to side, face gets really rebuking, no smile, she just says "Really, Megan? Really."

But she'll forgive me...

Rowing this morning was incredible. All the way along the 45 minute walk to the river it was pitch black and storming and wet and a cold wind was gusting like crazy. When we finally got to the boathouse at 6:30 am, and as we prepared and got in the boat, it was still pitch black except for an ominous pink/orange tinge in the sky. The wind was furious, throwing slanting sheets of rain against our faces, the current was frighteningly strong, the water dark and choppy. We could barely hear our coach above the wind. And to top it all off, it was our first time out with all novices and a novice cox. We almost didn't go out, but I'm so glad we did. It was crazy adventurous and exciting, like paddling through floodwaters in a typhoon to rescue some stranded villagers. I was soaking wet, freezing my hands off, strands of hair whipping into my face, tense and nervous and ready to respond to any command from our cox that would keep us from capsizing, an absolute hot mess (as Lex would say) and I loved it.

And here was our reward. As we pulled in to the raft, swung the boat up over our heads (yes, that makes me feel really strong!) and carried it indoors, we realized that morning had come. The winds had died down, the sun was prying its way out from behind a cloud, and a rainbow welcomed us back to dry land.


Here's our wet and tired and beautiful team on the path back, laughing with sheer delight to still be alive. :D


I doubt I'm athletic enough to keep rowing after novice season, but I'm not sure how I'm going to give it up. I love this sport.

"That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, 'Let us go over to the other side.' Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, 'Teacher, don't you care if we drown?'
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, 'Quiet! Be still!' Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
He said to his disciples, 'Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?'
They were terrified and asked each other, 'Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!'" Mark 4:35-41

all this beauty

There's not much news in my life. I've pretty much just been in the library all day every day for the last week. Yep. But here's that exciting place so you can see it!




And here's what the rest of the library looks like:


So exciting, I know. And here's my view out the window:


So that's all the news in my life!
The end.

Just kidding.
Here are some other important places in my life you should see. Those of you who've spent time in Oxford can look and reminisce...

These are the Exam Schools where I have all of my lectures every week:


I actually only have one lecture I have to go to every week, but why limit yourself to one when there's a million crazy interesting subjects that I could be learning from really smart people? Well, I guess maybe if you wanted to avoid the label of "nerd"... But I've been going to some great lecture series that are fulfilling my thus-far thwarted desire to take religion classes at Jewell: The Gospel of John, History of Israel, Doctrine Before Nicea, The Christian Doctrine of Creation, and Liturgy, as well as Comparative Government and Plato's Republic. Oh yeah. So they're pretty much like normal classes in the U.S. except for the fact that they're at Oxford, so of course they're in some crazy cool building like the Exam Schools and of course they're in huge impressive lecture halls:


This is the street I ride my bike down every day to get to the Exam Schools: High Street (affectionately known by locals as "The High"):


Not going to lie, I feel really cool riding my bike around town. I think it helps me blend in. Here are some of the sights to see on the way there. First of all: Blackwell. I have gushed about Blackwell before, so I'll just say that it is to bookstores as the National Cathedral is to churches. I know it doesn't look that impressive on the outside, but on the inside, it goes on FOREVER:


And here's the Rad Cam, the classic icon of Oxford:


It's used to house books for the Bodleian.
Moving a little closer to home, this is the road we live on:




And here's the grocery store we shop at in Summertown. We actually live closer to Summertown on Banbury Road than we do to City Centre. Anna would like this place...


Moving towards Regent's, here's a sweet cemetery I like to hang out at:


And here, just for De, is the Eagle and Child. Yes, Regent's Park College is immediately behind it. Incredible.


De, if you come visit me, I'll take you there... pleeeease??
Regent's Park is a relatively new college. The organization that eventually became RPC was started in 1752, and the college didn't move to this location until the 1920s. But it's still beautiful, albeit in a very different way from the huge impressive colleges. Here's our quad:


Melody took a few pictures when we were down at the river for rowing practice the other morning. Here's the river at 6:45 am:


It's magical. We walk back through Christ Church Meadows along this path. That's Christ Church College at the end, well-beloved by all Harry Potter fans:


And here's Christ Church on the left and a distant Magdalen College tower on the right:


All this beauty... you might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide.
All this beauty, we traveled all night.
We drank the ocean dry, and watched the sun rise...

"He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men..." Psalm 107:7-8

weakness

This week has been one of the most shattering and the most joyous I've ever experienced. Someone in my life died, and someone was born. And I can't help but think about the two together.

One of my rowing teammates, a freshman girl at Regent's, was found dead in her room this week. They're thinking at this point it was an extremely swift onset of bacterial meningitis. She was absolutely fine that morning, vibrant and sweet and dreaming and planning and living. It's broken the entire college's hearts, including mine.

And yet my joy cannot be greater: I have another new nephew. Luke Alan Seiler was born yesterday and even though I haven't met him yet, and won't get to for another eight months, he has my entire heart. Nieces and nephews are my absolute favorite people in the entire world.

So... yeah. I don't have any answers. I hold my palms up, filled with questions that create more questions. But even though I'm offering them, no one is lifting them out of my outstretched hands. They just sit there, weighty and messy. Friends have reached out to hold my hand, regardless of the dirt, but the bulk of it remains my burden. (I am so very grateful that they love me enough to reach for my hand, and not a Clorox wipe.) Maybe eventually God will plant something in the dirt.
Like a daffodil bulb.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

don't know what you're missing

Yesterday the girls' novice rowing team was supposed to go out for a workout in the park under the supervision of Jonathan Lafferty. No worries, right? Lottie, our women's captain, told us it was just for fun, to get the team working together out of the water. Most of the girls had tutorials or work to do, so it ended up just being Melody and Adrienne and I who went. We met Lafferty (affectionately known by the entire college as Laff or Laffy) at the Uni Parks and set off for a light jog to our area. That was fine, and the first set of sprints was fine, but by the middle of the workout I thought I was going to die. Okay, dying is very much an exaggeration, but collapse was a serious option. It wasn't that long, fifty minutes, but fifty minutes of just alternating sprints, push-ups, and sit-ups is torture my body hasn't done in two years. It was achingly, agonizingly long. But the best part about exercise is when you're done. For the next hour or two you're on a high, you feel absolutely on top of the world. It's ALMOST worth the work part. But not.

But skimming along the surface of the river as the sun rose this morning was DEFINITELY worth it. There is something about hearing the soft splash of oars sliding in and out of the water before the sun has even woken up, that secret time that ninety-five percent of humanity doesn't know exists, the daily miracle of the resurrection of the world, that is incredible. It's one of my favorite feelings in the world.

"Then the LORD answered Job out of the storm. He said:
'Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?
Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.
Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand.
Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?
On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone-
while the morning stars sang together
and all the angels shouted for joy?...
Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place,
that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?
The earth takes shape like clay under a seal;
its features stand out like those of a garment...
What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?
Can you take them to their places?
Do you know the paths to their dwellings?" Job 38: 1-7, 12-14, 19-20

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." Mark 1:35