chapter four, in which megan explains why she is not moving back to kansas city yet

This is real.

I have a new job. And it's my dream job - I think? I think I'm too young to have my dream job.

Maybe, probably, I will have new dreams in two or five or ten years, and that's fine, but for now, it is, in fact, my dream job.

I'm so thankful. And at the same time, my thankfulness over the last few months has been laced with discontentment. I keep asking God if I can move back to Kansas City. I want to pick up my little sister for lunch dates and be a respite caregiver for the Peery House and play on the playground with UCA's inaugural kindergarten class and go to my dad's shows and plan a Camp CUMCITO Teen Girls retreat and let my friend Kyla chauffeur me around with her shiny new driver's license and become friends with the man who's dating my best friend. There are so many good things going on there that I would love to be a part of, and so many people who I want to live daily life with.

And I feel like God doesn't get it, because I keep hearing "Not yet." I forget my dream job and the dearly loved family I nanny for and the healthiest church that I've ever been a part of and the community that has truly become my West Seattle family and the sunset over the mountains over the ocean and I start daydreaming and wishing and whining to God, and then I get angry, because he's not letting me live every good story that I want to live all at the same time.

He's been so patient with me. He has not yet raised his voice with me. But he has said in loving firmness, "Do you really think that your story is better than mine? Do you really think that it is all about you getting everything you want (which is too much for you to cram into your mouth anyway)? Infinitely greater and more beautiful things are at stake."

This morning I was reading an excerpt from the writings of Saint John of the Cross, and the editor of the book advised an assignment: "Be patient with God this week. John of the Cross consistently counsels us not to fuss or fret and take our spiritual lives into our own hands, but simply to receive what God would have us receive, no more, no less. Learn the discipline of gratitude for the small things." The Holy Spirit whispered to me, "Even though you think you're missing out on so many things in Kansas City, stop fussing and fretting. Trust your God's guidance. Trust that he knows what he's doing. He has opened doors for you here and now that you should not walk away from because you are greedy or discontent, but should keep walking through because they are good and because you are his. You are not your own. You have been bought with a price. It is not about your desires, but about his glory. He is writing a better story. And in the end, you will not regret following him instead of following your own wisdom."

I don't know how to communicate that to all of the people who I feel like I'm disappointing by my decision to stay here, but maybe they'll read this post.

There are deeply wounded and out-of-place men and women here who I get to intentionally and practically love full-time through smiles and individually tailored English worksheets and caring about them as human beings and being excited that they're here and crying out in prayer over the waves of difficulty that threaten to crash down over them. There is a thirteen year old boy who is asking big questions about who Jesus is and listening to my answers. There is a church who is pouring itself out to make God look as good as he is in the avenues and alleyways of Seattle. These are the doors that I'm going to follow God through. God, help me not just walk, but run.

the sisters do searcy

Climbed to the top of Sugar Loaf for sunrise on my birthday

the sisters do seattle part 2

Hiking in the rainforest yesterday:

Not everyone has such pretty hiking companions.

the sisters do seattle part 1

Shakespeare in the Park with Sister Sarah - she's here visiting for a week!

what happens when the WHOLE kennedy fam goes on vacation?

Day 1 goodness:

How many buddies does it take to paint one set of toenails?


Hangin wit my homies...


Walkin down to the pool with Grandpa.


Finishing up the evening with the Jesus Storybook Bible? Yes please.

privilege

A friend asked me tonight where I'd been over the weekend. I explained that I had had two work conferences back to back, one in Portland and one in Pittsburgh. "Pittsburgh?" he exclaimed incredulously and a bit enviously. "I've never been out of the state."

What?

How can that be?

How can the world be that disproportionate?

How is it possible that someone the exact same age as me could have never had the opportunity in his whole life to travel outside Washington state, while I have enjoyed thirty-three states and nine countries and assumed that to be a normal part of life? Doesn't everyone's parents take them to the Grand Canyon? Doesn't everyone drive with ten of their best friends to Florida for spring break? Doesn't everyone attend a private college and study abroad in Oxford? Doesn't everyone work for an organization that pays for them to travel to conferences in Pittsburgh and Portland?

I have never felt in quite this way how much my life is characterized by wealth and privilege. Yesterday another friend mentioned nonchalantly the insults that had been hurled at her at a bar over the weekend because of her skin color. I was shocked that she thought nothing of it; it's a normal part of life for her. My race has only ever smoothed the way before me. I have been given, for no merit of my own, opportunities, experiences, and education that other people only dream of. I am beginning to understand that if my life is ever "successful", it will be 5% because of me and 95% because of my social class, family, background, education, race, nationality, wealth, and support networks.

It's humbling and a little bit scary to see my privilege. I wonder what things I might be blind to because of it.

oh yeah she's pretty

I got to meet my niece Lucy for the first time on Friday, eight days old.


She's a winner.


This is one of her older brothers, Luke, and her older sister, Clara, with my mom.


Having them as nieces and nephews makes me the very luckiest.

a new buddy

I have a new niece.
Her name is Lucy Bea.
How much more precious does it get?

Best part: I get to meet the beautiful little buddy on Friday. Can't wait! Photos to come. This is better than Christmas...

sultry summer, shooting stars, sinking sand

I haven't blogged in a long time. I've probably lost all my faithful readers. There's just not a lot exciting going on in my life right now.

That's not exactly true. I've spent some beautiful (if oppressively hot) days at camp. I've been calling all my freshmen mentees and getting to know them. I've been making homemade ice cream and watching meteor showers with my little sisters. All of which has been great.

Other breaking news:
- It's hot as Hades here in Kansas. I ate ice cream for lunch today.
- I ordered all of my textbooks for this fall and only spent $68.54. Oh, the benefits of being a political science major.
- I saw thirty-five shooting stars last night. They were magnificent. Number 24 was the most incredible one I've ever seen: the fire trail in the atmosphere stayed glowing for a good fifteen seconds.
- I get to move back in with my beautiful roommate in five days.

There are a few things coming up that I'm super excited about, and a few things that I'm terrified about, but I've been reminded in recent days that "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." That is where I'm standing. It's the only place I can stand; everything else is pretty shaky right now: relationships, plans, achievements. Yet Christ has proven himself faithful and I cling to that once again.

My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
but wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When darkness veils his lovely face,
I rest on his unchanging grace;
in every high and stormy gale
my anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, his covenant, his blood
support me in the whelming flood;
when every earthly prop gives way,
he then is all my hope and stay.

When he shall come with trumpet sound,
oh, may I then in him be found,
dressed in his righteousness alone,
faultless to stand before the throne.

On Christ the solid rock I stand; all other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

guest column!!!

My grandmother thinks that I don't put enough details in my blog. So... here is her very own guest column where she can put anything and everything!
;)

From Mary Jo:

This part of Megan's blog is for family and us old people. I doubt her friends would be interested in this. I told Megan we need to hear more about her life here and she said everyone wouldn't be interested in that, but those in her family are, I told her. So here is my boring blog:

We have all wondered what the restaurant was like where Megan works. So here is a picture or two of Morton's. You will see Megan behind the counter waiting on customers.


This is the London Eye that Megan and Tuila rode on, the second largest observation wheel in the world. Wonder why Allen didn't go :-). I had an excuse. Lloyd was exhausted and we stayed behind a bit and of course I had to stay with him.


I cannot believe I am still alive and living. I have never walked so far and so long, never walked up and down so many steps in my life. It seems you have to go up stairs to go down stairs and down stairs to go up stairs. This going up and down was in the train, bus and underground, tube, or whatever it is called. It seemed everyone in London was busy walking to wherever they were going, too fast for me. Few people drive cars, they walk, and walk, and walk and go up and down stairs.
Megan walks and walks and walks almost everywhere she goes. I understand she does ride her bike quite a bit and it is a wonder she is still alive the way the traffic is. I am amazed though that I haven't seen any dented fenders or any dead bodies lying in the street. We were at City Centre today and Lloyd took a picture of some of the many many bikes parked there.


The girls living in Megan's apt are very thrifty. I won't get into all what I feel are necessities that they live without. I guess when you are a poor student you learn to live without.

We brought wonderful weather with us from the states. Everyone told us to bring raincoats and umbrellas. We only saw a very light mist for a few minutes. It was colder in Scotland and Ireland that I had anticipated and we had to buy additional jackets. As warm as it was in the U.S. when we left I just couldn't believe it could be cold here and we did not heed their advise to take warm clothes. It was beautiful here today in Oxford, probably in the upper 60's.

The scenery is beautiful, georgeous old buildings and castles. But I still like Topeka best.

Don't know what we would have done without Megan guiding us around the train and bus stations. We couldn't understand what was being said when they were making announcements even though they were supposedly speaking English. All the time Megan was so cool and collected and didn't once make a mistake. There are many languages spoken here in the UK and we didn't hear English very often.

There is some delicious looking food in the grocery stores. I wish I could take some of it home with me but don't have room. Megan cooked us a couple delicious meals. She says she really enjoys cooking.

It has been great being here and traveling and especially being with Megan. But we are ready to come home and will see you all soon. Brittany - let Lucky out of the closet!!!!

edinburgh epistle

I've got some work to do on my pictures before I put up my faves from Edinburgh, but I promised someone I'd keep my blog updated while my family is here... (:

After three days in London we spent an entire day traveling to Edinburgh.


This is the first stop in Scotland.


The country is freaking cold, but gorgeous.

I was not prepared for the austere stone magnificence of Edinburgh architecture. Yet although the city has a cold, aloof appearance, the people are warm and vibrant. Check out this sweet city.




Seth was our fantastic and hysterically quirky tour guide in Edinburgh and he was the one who brought the cold city to life.


Tuila and Allen and I took a few hours and climbed an extinct volcano on the edge of Edinburgh called Arthur's Seat. We scorned the beaten trail and got into some sketchy rock climbing! It was hard to get a photo that captured how epic this little adventure was, but check this out,


and then calculate that we didn't climb the crag in the foreground where you see the people standing, but instead the one in the left background that was maybe twice as tall. Here's another angle.


All in all, I think Edinburgh was everyone's favorite. That's just because they haven't experienced Oxford yet... ;)

london city

Day one of fantastic family fun...

bus tour:


Thames cruise:


London Eye:




ice cream:


Day two...

Harrod's department store:


Hyde Park:





horseback riding:


evensong at Westminster Abbey:


ice cream... oh yeah, it's a wonderful life.

old world meets new world

In London with my precious grandparents and aunt and uncle. They are so cute, and it's so fun to have them here.

narnia

Two weeks ago it snowed in my beautiful city. About 6-8 inches, but that's special for Oxford. My neighbor Hannah said it was the most snow she can remember seeing. It was g l o r i o u s.






I feel like a dwarf should have come striding out of this house.


Some unidentified fiend constructed this five-foot diameter ball of snow right in front of our driveway before any of us woke up. Props to him or her for serious early morning action.


I walked through the Parks on my way to college and obviously everyone under the age of 20 had gotten off school:


Everyone in town got into the snowman spirit! I saw two guys in a pickup truck cruising around town with a five- or six-foot snowman in the back of their truck. Somebody else built eight snowmen on the steps of the Martyrs' Memorial. And this chap was in front of Greens Cafe:


My neighbors and I were totally into the snowman building spirit. Until we realized our snowman skillz were weaker than we thought. Our snowman ended up being a snow tower, but it was a victory nonetheless because we got it taller than the boys! :)


Here are Andy and Hannah, who along with Rowena and Andrew, assisted me in this architectural masterpiece:


Oh, and unlike Narnia, this winter did have a Christmas. And I was present for it. I stayed here in Europe instead of going home, so my Christmas day involved lots of cooking, lots of eating, and lots of movies with my sweet friends Karen and Rebekah.

This is the Christmas extravaganza box of joy I got from my family:


And some of the delightful contents:


Domestic goddess whipping up something yummy:


I am absurdly skilled at grating cheese:


Oh golly gosh they are c-ute!


"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow, 'Fall on the earth,' and to the rain shower, 'Be a mighty downpour.'" Job 37:5-6