downtown cornerstone

This is the church that is my home in Seattle.

The Vision - Downtown Cornerstone Church from Downtown Cornerstone Church on Vimeo.

what fits us for service

Rereading my journal always makes me so aware of my brokenness. My inability, my pettiness, my confusion, my weakness, my humility. But the writer of Hebrews has important words for me:

"The blood of goats and bulls and the ashes of a heifer sprinkled on those who are ceremonially unclean sanctify them so that they are outwardly clean. How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!" Hebrews 9:13-14

It is not I who make myself good; it is Christ who fits me for service, for servitude, for sonship to the living God.

Elisabeth Elliot wrote, "Is there any Christian who does not long for some special experience, vision, or feeling of the presence of God? This morning it seemed to me that unless I could claim such I was merely going through motions of prayer, meditation, reading; that the book I am writing on discipline will prove to be nothing but vanity and a striving after wind. The Lord brought yesterday's word to mind again with this emphasis: it is not any experience, no matter how exciting, not any vision, however vivid and dazzling, not any feeling, be it ever so deep that fits me for service. It is the power of the blood of Christ. I am "made holy by the single unique offering of the body of Jesus Christ" (Heb 10:10), and by his blood "fit for the service of the living God." My spiritual numbness cannot cancel that--the blood will never lose its power."

This is so heartening, so emboldening, so vitalizing. It is Christ's sure and powerful redemption that fits us for service. We are inadequate, but he makes us adequate; we are broken, but he makes us strong; we are flawed, but he makes us right. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Let us therefore approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

And so I dearly hope this for you, my brothers and sisters, with great joy and expectation:

"May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 13:20-21

come and listen

Come and listen.
Come and listen to what he's done.

Let me tell you what he has done for me.
Let me tell you what he has done for me,
          he has done for you,
                    he has done for us.

Praise our God, for he is good.

Let me tell you what he has done for me: he has given me life abundant, rich, beautiful in its very normality, a life of loving people, reading books, singing, writing papers, drinking tea, rowing it up, telling stories, riding my bike, taking photos, watching our flowers bloom, listening to music, talking to friends, learning from smart people, eating apples, taking communion.

Not only am I studying at one of the top academic institutions in the world, but also I have gained intimate knowledge of another world besides my own, and have received the broadening of mind that comes with such knowledge. I am growing roots in a church that nurtures and challenges me and wants to help me serve God better. I have new friends here who pray with dedication, who have wicked piano skills, who want to rescue child soldiers, who can cook like crazy, who are passionate about Japan, who are going to make films that change hearts, who listen intently, who are brilliant scientists, who are persistant in love.

And as if that all weren't enough, he has done even more for me:

          When I gave more than I thought I could give financially,
          he provided me with more.

          He is in time growing me into maturity, teaching me how to
          release childish ways.

          He has given me a natural inclination for mercy and gentleness,
          but as I grow up, he is working on the many many things I lack,
          things like courage and self-control and discernment and purity,
          bringing me into all the fullness of the perfection of Christ.

And finally and greatest, he has loved me. He has laid aside his divinity to come live with me and love me. He has forgiven me everything that is wrong with me and is healing everything that is broken in me. He has given me you and you me. He has given me himself. But he has done this not just for me. He has done this for you. He has done this for us.

For all these things and more I praise the one who has loved us.

"Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done. Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts. Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced... Sing to the Lord, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples... Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." 1 Chronicles 16:1-12, 23-24, 34

cracked in a hundred places

Hey all.
What better way to explain how I feel than to echo the words of my heroine: Anne of Green Gables?

"Anne," said Marilla abruptly, "Miss Stacy was here this afternoon when you were out with Diana."
Anne came back from her other world with a start and a sigh.
"Was she? Oh, I'm so sorry I wasn't in. Why didn't you call me, Marilla? Diana and I were only over in the Haunted Wood. It's lovely in the woods now. All the little wood things- the ferns and the satin leaves and the crackerberries- have gone to sleep, just as if somebody had tucked them away until spring under a blanket of leaves. I think it was a little gray fairy with a rainbow scarf that came tiptoeing along the last moonlight night and did it. Diana wouldn't say much about that, though. Diana has never forgotten the scolding her mother gave her about imagining ghosts into the Haunted Wood. It had a very bad effect on Diana's imagination. It blighted it. Mrs. Lynde says Myrtle Bell is a blighted being. I asked Ruby Gillis why Myrtle was blighted, and Ruby said she guessed it was because her young man had gone back on her. Ruby Gillis thinks of nothing but young men, and the older she gets the worse she is. Young men are all very well in their place, but it doesn't do to drag them into everything, does it? Diana and I are thinking seriously of promising each other that we will never marry but be nice old maids and live together forever. Diana hasn't quite made up her mind though, because she thinks perhaps it would be nobler to marry some wild, dashing, wicked young man and reform him. Diana and I talk a great deal about serious subjects now, you know. We feel that we are so much older than we used to be that it isn't becoming to talk of childish matters. It's such a solemn thing to be almost fourteen, Marilla. Miss Stacy took all us girls who are in our teens down to the brook last Wednesday, and talked to us about it. She said we couldn't be too careful what habits we formed and what ideals we acquired in our teens, because by the time we were twenty our characters would be developed and the foundation laid for our whole future life. And she said if the foundation was shaky we could never build anything really worth while on it. Diana and I talked the matter over coming home from school. We felt extremely solemn, Marilla. And we decided that we would try to be very careful indeed and form respectable habits and learn all we could and be as sensible as possible, so that by the time we were twenty our characters would be properly developed. It's perfectly appalling to think of being twenty, Marilla. It sounds so fearfully old and grown up."

"To think that this is my twentieth birthday, and that I've left my teens behind me forever," said Anne, who was curled up on the hearth-rug with Rusty in her lap, to Aunt Jamesina who was reading in her pet chair. They were alone in the living room. Stella and Priscilla had gone to a committee meeting and Phil was upstairs adorning herself for a party.
"I suppose you feel kind of sorry" said Aunt Jamesina. "The teens are such a nice part of life. I'm glad I've never gone out of them myself."
Anne laughed. "You never will, Aunty. You'll be eighteen when you should be a hundred. Yes, I'm sorry, and a little dissatisfied as well. Miss Stacy told me long ago that by the time I was twenty my character would be formed, for good or evil. I don't feel that it's what it should be. It's full of flaws."
"So's everybody's," said Aunt Jamesina cheerfully. "Mine's cracked in a hundred places. Your Miss Stacy likely meant that when you are twenty your character would have got its permanent bent in one direction or 'tother, and would go on developing in that line. Don't worry over it, Anne. Do your duty by God and your neighbor and yourself, and have a good time. That's my philosophy and it's always worked pretty well."

Sigh. Yep. It is what it is.
I have to admit, I haven't really been excited about a birthday since I turned fifteen. But it's okay. I am at peace (for the moment). It's time to do some more growing up, some more changing and learning and marveling. I am not what I ought to be. I am not what I want to be. I am not what I hope to be in another world.
But by the grace of God, I am not what I was.

"From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God." Psalm 22:10

"Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life." Deuteronomy 30:19-20a

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." I Thessalonians 5:23-24

hell

I'm confused and angry.
Hell is a dumb idea.

If the damnation of souls is the price of free will, can it be that perhaps God places too high a value on freedom?

How can this doctrine reconcile with the God I have met who loves overwhelmingly? If he would redeem me out of the disgusting darkness of my heart, why would he not redeem someone who might be seen as "more" wicked? Is it not his desire that none should perish? Why would he not redeem all of us who in our brokenness break others, who in our death kill others, who in our baseness reject him? Why are some irresistably drawn and redeemed and others not, if it is not a result of some power or goodness or decision of our own?

The bible is really mixed-up about it too. I've been going through the New Testament trying to write down every reference to this subject to try to grasp some cohesive whole, but I've only made it through Matthew and already the confusion is overwhelming. It doesn't make any sense, and there are a lot of things that Jesus apparently said that I don't know that I can accept. They are so harsh, so unlike the mercy and love that has shattered me. They don't make any sense.

How can I entrust people I love to God, believing he loves them even more than I do, when he says things like this?

I hate it.

If you want to explain it to me and tell me why I'm wrong, I don't want to hear it right now. If you want to sit with me in the frustration and sullenness and hurt of not knowing, not understanding, please come sit with me and we'll cry together.

"The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 13:41-42

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." Matthew 5:45b

"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you... But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:27-28, 35-36

"'He [the master] replied, 'I tell you that to everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away. But those enemies of mine who did not want me to be king over them- bring them here and kill them in front of me.''" Luke 19:26-27

"For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost." Luke 19:10

"'As for the person who hears my words but does not keep them, I do not judge him. For I did not come to judge the world, but to save it. There is a judge for the one who rejects me and does not accept my words; that very word which I spoke will condemn him at the last day." John 12:47-48a

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14