failure

I went through my phone's address book last night and was overwhelmed by the memories so many names brought up of broken promises, dropped contacts, regrets. Letters I promised that were never sent, phone calls never returned, old friends forgotten, campers not followed up on, projects abandoned, pride getting in the way of relationships, laziness triumphing over love, stupid awkward things I've done, fragile fragile relationships lost, bittersweet memories, people I've lost track of. (How do you lose track of a person, anyway? They're important. Not like a shoe that you can't remember where you put it.)

I realized my word is crud. I have no integrity in small things and so none in big things.

I lose people.

This is terrible.

It's time to make some things right.

"Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one." Matthew 5:33-37