03 November 2009


This week has been one of the most shattering and the most joyous I've ever experienced. Someone in my life died, and someone was born. And I can't help but think about the two together.

One of my rowing teammates, a freshman girl at Regent's, was found dead in her room this week. They're thinking at this point it was an extremely swift onset of bacterial meningitis. She was absolutely fine that morning, vibrant and sweet and dreaming and planning and living. It's broken the entire college's hearts, including mine.

And yet my joy cannot be greater: I have another new nephew. Luke Alan Seiler was born yesterday and even though I haven't met him yet, and won't get to for another eight months, he has my entire heart. Nieces and nephews are my absolute favorite people in the entire world.

So... yeah. I don't have any answers. I hold my palms up, filled with questions that create more questions. But even though I'm offering them, no one is lifting them out of my outstretched hands. They just sit there, weighty and messy. Friends have reached out to hold my hand, regardless of the dirt, but the bulk of it remains my burden. (I am so very grateful that they love me enough to reach for my hand, and not a Clorox wipe.) Maybe eventually God will plant something in the dirt.
Like a daffodil bulb.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

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